Is this the world's craziest emergency dispatch system?

Detroit’s emergency services communications systems are so old and decrepit that front-line workers have taken to using bizarre workarounds to ensure dispatch messages are received.

The city is so broke that it’s currently going through bankruptcy proceedings. The financial situation has been so bad for so long that all manner of municipal IT and other systems are years out of date.

“It sounds unbelievable, but it’s truly what the guys have been doing and dealing with for a long, long time,” Detroit Deputy Fire Commissioner John Berlin told the Detroit Free Press. “We’re in desperate need. We’re probably 30 years behind.”

The firehouse dispatch method is a perfect example. Forget computerised systems that send instant text, radio, page or email alerts, complete with alarm bells and flashing lights. Detroit’s system relies on fax machines.

But it gets worse. What if there’s no-one in the room to hear the faint chug, chug of the machine as it slowly feeds out the fax paper? Simple: get an empty Coke can, fill it with something that will make a noise - such as nails or screws - perch it on the edge of the fax machine, and when the paper hits it it will fall off and make a noise. Voila!

Or you can go high-tech and rig up your own when-the-paper-hits-a-hinge-which-pulls-on-a-wire doorbell system.

Don’t believe us? Check out the video on the Detroit Free Press site. And never complain about your dispatch system again.